They don’t need to know

I admired your purity

Your innocence

I never had any, even as a boy

I know how it sounds, but my feelings for you were pure

Well, I failed

You finally started paying attention

To the things I’ve done to you

You were going to abandon me

You were determined to expose me

You know I can’t go to the police

In the papers they say you’re missing

Now I have to put you somewhere where you’ll never be found

Can I tell you a secret?

Nothing but a passing thought

And I am not trying to patronize you

You were The One

And for the rest of my days I will be lighting candles for your soul

Thinking about you and your tragedy

It was me

It was all me and I need help getting out of this shell

I have done nothing to improve myself

It is now that I know what I was missing

Your touch

Skin to skin contact

That is what I was craving

That is what I was missing

Why not that night?

Your skin is now cold and stiff

And yet, still I can’t quiet my cravings

No judgments here, you’re free

Dear diary

My sanctuary

My one private place

It’s been a while since I spoke to you

No one can understand our burden

You and I have endured a life

That would’ve driven most people mad

I have the same longing as you

Same dreams of a normal life

We’re not bad people

We’ve seen so much suffering

We deserve a chance

I know now

 That neither of us can have that

If we stay like this

Here is a scoop

We are  going to have a life

A life that means something

A life with some excitement

A life that is real

Not this middle class hell

“What about trouble from my past?

What about the uncertainty of the world?”

I don’t care about your history 

I only care about who you are on this day

On this day you are who you are 

On that day you were who you were 

Your every wish is about to come true

So this has been my last entry, diary

I can’t even say the words

Thank you

Thank you for your every lesson 

Every lesson that you taught me was priceless 

When I was decomposing 

When I hated my reflection 

When I lost my compass

 The sense of myself 

I look back

I start to see things

 For what they really are 

Changes

                                                                             Let me be clear 

As I know how to be 

I am not doing it for me

It’s for my children

And my children’s children

The future is coming, no matter what

We can’t hide from it

We have to engage with it

We have to Embrace it

All this senseless cruelty won’t keep it out

The cruelty ends here

This is the moment 

When everything changes 

 “Everyone can see you challenging me, boy

We can’t have that"

The future is now, old man

All this time 

I thought my experiences made me who I am

But my memories are false 

You have tortured me enough

With the idea that my mother was and still powerless

That time has no meaning

Keeping her from knowing her true self 

What else have you been lying about? 

Be careful when you talk about her now

I don’t doubt it, that she’s my hero

That she has found her voice

Because it was her fate to find it

This face she showed the world

The face of sanity, that was her real mask

She’s not a sentimental woman 

What are you so afraid of? 

The truth about her or the truth about you? 

It’s a classic case about patriarchy 

A classic case about resisting change

Hail! to the new world 

“Don’t envy me, child. I warn you"

 

Just the other day

And the other day

I was somebody

Somebody with a life

A life that I chose for myself

Now it’s  just about getting through the day without crying

I am scared

I am scared that I am not myself in here

I am scared that I am

He hates me

Every day 

There’s no holiday 

Talking me down

His sudden blow floored me

Today

I woke up early 

Went down to the market place

With my face bashed in

I smiled

As I convinced everybody that I ran into a door

It’s a lot harder

To laugh with a punctured lung

It’s a lot harder 

To be a shadow with nowhere to go 

To stay only for the children 

“I love you mama

And when I grow up 

I want to be strong &  beautiful 

Like you"